When I started this blog it was intended as a form of therapy, a cathartic diversion to the stresses and strains of life as a divorce lawyer. It has been many months since I have made an entry for the simple reason that I do not need a panacea in retirement.
Today however was different. I should have known it was going to happen with the repeated arguments and outrageous behaviour of recent weeks but it still shocked me.
This morning when I awoke, I learned that we are going to separate after 40 years. Worse still a messy divorce is envisaged and one that may start immediately. Already the cash in the bank has plummeted, our pension funds and investments reduced. I wanted to stay in our home but I no longer know if that will be possible. A move to Scotland is a possibility, or Ireland. Does anyone know what Ireland is like?
Dave is going, of course. Hanging around for a little while but he’s not going to do very much. Well I know there was no love lost between us, but seriously it’s still hard to take when it happens.
What do I tell the children? They may be old enough to make their own minds up, but they are hurting too; Nicola says she’s staying put whatever and Martin is thinking of pursuing his own union elsewhere. Some fool down the road had the gall to tell me it was Independence Day whilst others have just looked shell-shocked when they heard the news. People I haven’t heard from for a while have been handing out tissues and sympathy; Tony said he thought there had been “mixed messages” for the last couple of months and Michael summed up my feelings accurately when he described it as “a gaping hole.”
Sadiq is trying to smooth the waters but the damage has been done and it hurts. I’m angry and I think I have every right to be.