Sunday, 2 March 2008


If there’s one book everyone should be compelled to read before marriage it has to be “Men are from Mars; Women are from Venus” by John Gray. Come to think of it, everyone should read it as soon as possible and that way a vast number of misunderstandings, and the broken relationships that follow could be avoided.

Constance has been back in touch. (Click here for details of our last conversation.)She’s even found time for another relationship since we last spoke but this time she’s dumped him. She tells me he was a Martian and couldn’t understand her (planets of origin; different languages, I thought, as she regaled the whole sad story to me on the telephone this afternoon). Sounds like he kept asking her what was wrong, and she kept saying, “Nothing.”

Understandably, his male conditioned response to “nothing” was to indicate, “Okay then, let’s go out and watch a football match.”

What Constance, as a female from Planet Venus, actually meant of course was: “I am up to my eyes in debt, I am worried sick about the situation and I just want to unload and talk about it, after you show yourself sympathetic to my predicament.”

Inevitably, she couldn’t actually bring herself to say that, although she managed fine chatting away to me for a full hour and a half. Anyway, as I said, he obviously knew fine well that there was a problem but if she wanted help to solve it, she would have had to tell him what it was. Maybe I overdid the sympathetic agony aunt role because after another half hour, and in order to wind this tedious conversation up, I had to say more. I told her that if she had explained her woes to the Martian, he’d no doubt have taken the initiative to sever the relationship himself and so put her in exactly the same solitary position as she is now anyway.

Strangely, she hung up on me again! I don’t think she can cope with my bilingual ability.

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