EASY DOES IT

easyJet Boeing 737 (G-EZYI) taking off from Bristol Airport (England).Photographed by Adrian Pingstone in September 2003 and released to the public domain

Last week Easy Jet announced that it is looking to organise weddings in the sky. It did little to appease those of the mind that marriage is too easy and divorce difficult. Imagine how things might be if Easy Jet responds to the criticism with details of divorce flights:

This is the pre-boarding announcement for the flight to Decree Absolute. We are now inviting those passengers with children (whose interests are, of course, paramount), and any passengers requiring special assistance such as public funding, to begin boarding at this time. Please have your marriage certificate and identification for money laundering checks ready. Regular boarding will begin in approximately ten minutes time. Thank you.

Welcome aboard this is your Cabin Steward speaking. Please fasten your seatbelts and secure all personal chattels, ready for exchange with or return to your spouse, in the overhead compartments or underneath the seat in front of you. Please direct your attention to the monitors above as we review the divorce procedure. There are six emergency exits on this aircraft. Take a moment to locate the exit closest to you. In the event of reconciliation, stay calm and listen for instructions from the cabin crew. Divorce decrees will drop down from above your seat. In the unlikely event of an emergency order and eviction, leave your carry-on items behind. While we wait for take off, please take a moment to review the draft petition in the seat pocket in front of you.

Good afternoon passengers. This is your captain speaking. First I'd like to welcome everyone on our Divorce Flight today. We are currently cruising at an altitude of 33,000 feet and will shortly be passing over territory where pre-nuptial agreements are recognised. Would passengers in possession of such please make themselves known to the cabin staff. The weather looks good and with a tailwind on our side we are expecting to land approximately ten minutes ahead of schedule. The cabin crew will be coming around in fifteen minutes time to offer you a light snack, and the in-flight film, which today is Kramer vs Kramer, will begin shortly after that. I'll talk to you again before your divorce is finalised. Until then, sit back, relax and enjoy the rest of the flight.

Oh dear, if the idea takes off, I’ll have to retrain as an airline pilot.