THE GREEN DIVORCE

Everywhere we turn these days green alternatives are being offered. Browsing through magazines, I have come across both eco-dating and the environmentally friendly wedding. Options for eco-dating vary widely but can include pursuits such as compost heap building, litter picking, dry stone walling or saving wildlife or rain forests in far flung destinations. I even read about a speed version where you start an assigned task with one co-volunteer and then every 10 minutes you change partners until presumably either the task is finished or you meet the labourer of your dreams. Conversely earth-saving weddings involve invitations on recycled paper, rose petal confetti and a wedding present list of fair-trade goods, not to mention a cycling honeymoon (using a tandem of course).

It has set me thinking and so I would now like to be the first to offer the ultimate green divorce. What about all communications by e-mail save for forwarding the decree absolute, which should be kept in a safe place, in an envelope that can be recycled; payment by telephone using a credit card and all work conducted under energy saving light bulbs. Any further suggestions will, of course, be given serious consideration.