ELEPHANTS

No holiday in India could be complete without riding on an elephant. The Indian elephant, like the dog and horse, goes back in history as serving mankind. Thus in time honoured tradition we strolled around a spice plantation astride one of these graceful creatures, She was a female named Monica and differed from her male counterpart in that she readily responded to commands to smile for the camera. She did not shame herself by shouting for more pineapples which she munched delicately, initially rejecting the leafy stalks whilst he crunched his whole. Further she did not relieve herself in front of guests who were all visibly shocked by the heaps of dung and flooding created by her partner.

Trust me, as elephants evolve they’ll learn to divorce rather than to wave their trunks for tourists’ cameras.