For those of you who missed the first live television election debate last night, let me describe it through the eyes of a divorce solicitor as thus:
Two chaps, Gordon and Dave, claimed their love for Britannia and their desire to support and nurture her. There was significant disagreement between them as to how to care for her in sickness and in health, and a huge sum of £6 billion was continuously mentioned.
A third chap, Nick, was the kind of boy who might appeal to Britannia’s mother. Well spoken, apparently trustworthy (or so he claimed), heart in the right place but young and perhaps naïve.
Soon it will be up to Britannia to decide. Whether she makes her decision based on looks, style or substance, allow me to predict the outcome in 4 years time: discontent and disagreement; name-calling and public pillorying; estrangement and eventually divorce.