Tuesday, 13 October 2009

HOW TO STOP HATING YOUR EX

Stop hating your ex must sound like a tall order for many people, but this book by René Ashton seeks to show you how. “I wanted someone to tell me how in the world I was to escape the grips of this ferocious animal wreaking havoc in my life,” she writes; she’s not describing her ex, however, but instead her anger.

René forwarded me a copy of the book in advance of its US publication date last week. I’m sure that it will only be a matter of time before it’s available in the UK too. More like a work-book than a reference source, it’s written in a very down to earth style and pushes the reader onward in a mission of self-healing asking for deliberated responses to questions posed, even providing lined pages for the replies.

“You cannot change your ex. Try as you may. Manipulate as you may. Punish, kick, scream, whatever your tactic, it won’t work”, she reminds us. “The only thing you can change is yourself to make things different.” Through the book, she endeavours to train the reader how to let go and draws on her own experience in illustrating the depths to which the broken hearted and wronged can sink but also how they can move on.

René clearly feels strongly that children should have the right to be co-parented properly. She spares no punches when she identifies those careless or vindictive comments that can cause untold harm and urges the reader to “talk to a professional (not your kids), unload on your friends (not your kids).”

If you feel caught in a trap of negativity or denial as a result of relationship breakdown, it could help but you mustn’t expect any sympathy. “You have the capacity to change,” and that’s what the author wants you to do.

5 comments:

Chandi said...

Hi Judith,
Just found your blog and I'm looking forward to reading all your great posts! This book sounds good, although I don't have kids with my ex, I do have the anger! The divorce is still raw and he did some stuff toward the end which resulted in me finally really feeling anger, but only after the divorce was over. I am struggling a bit with the fact that throughout the divorce I never expressed anger or "pissy energy" toward him. I was so intent on remaining magnanimous. Then, to feel the anger once it was over, was a bit alarming, because I didn't know where to "put" the anger. I believe it's important to feel the anger (you can't just shove it away) but at the same time, you can't let it dominate you. My challenge at this point, is to not give him or the anger any more power and to go get my happy life.

Is there a book like this that you'd recommend for someone like me, who doesn't have kids?

Also, do you want to consider adding my blog to your blog roll about divorce blogs?

love found said...

I JUST WANT TO TELL Y'ALL HOW I GOT OVER MY DIVORCE,MY HUSBAND WAS ADAMANT ON HAVING A DIVORCE ALL BECAUSE HE MET A MORE BEAUTIFUL RICH CLIENT,I WAS DEPRESSED,I TRIED ALL AVAILABLE MEANS TO STOP IT BECAUSE I STILL LOVED HIM,I EVENTUALLY MET A LOVE SPELLCASTER ONLINE THROUGH THE TESTIMONY OF A FELLOW DIVORCEE ON YAHOOANSWERS,I MAILED HIM THROUGH PSYCHICPELA YAHOO COM,BELIEVE AFTER I PAID FOR CONSULTATION AND MATERIALS,MY MAN CAME BACK DAYS LATER,WITH THE DIVORCE PAPER IN THE BIN,,,IT COULD WORK FOR YOU TOO

Jeff said...

I also just found your blog and it is very interesting. I look forward to reading all your post.
Get Your
Ex Back

Tulsa Divorce Lawyers said...

Therapy helps too - lots and lots of therapy :)

Oklahoma City House Cleaners said...

Rene is going to have to accept the reality that co-parenting will only exists when the ex's can peacefully communicate between themselves - I'm just saying :)