PHONE A FRIEND


This evening I have been abandoned. Outdoor and Apprentice Men have taken crampons and gone off to the Highlands of Scotland, Little Girl is staying at her Grandma’s and I have the house to myself. Home alone then dinner for one; whatever shall I do next, I wondered. Nobody to tidy up after this evening; nobody’s clothes to get ready; nobody to discuss the contents of the newspaper with or to ask for help in completing the last two clues in the crossword.

Anyway I found the ideal solution. If you ever find yourself alone, bereft and unable to finish the crossword, phone a friend! Or, as I did, five of them!

A word of advice though, first get yourself one of those contracts that gives you unlimited calls and that way the bill for two hours gossiping by phone will never come back to haunt you and spoil the pleasure. Also never ever spend that long on the phone if your recently separated partner is paying the bill and you don’t have an unlimited contract, because they’ll only pay it once, after which they’ll fight to the bitter end over the rest of your finances as a point of principle. Finally whatever you do, don’t ring the other side of the world and leave the phone off the hook (even unlimited contracts don’t cover that kind of thing); whatever your former partner did to you, it won’t get you even and ultimately a Judge could make you pay from your share of the settlement!

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