Monday, 30 July 2012


The Olympics' Opening Ceremony continues to cause controversy with some insisting that it was a leftist political statement, others that it was cringe worthy and yet more claiming it was an enjoyable portrayal of “Britishness,” eccentricities and all.

In my capacity as a divorce lawyer can I just highlight the fact that it bore all the hallmarks of a wedding! Entitled a ceremony there were rings, there were vows, there were rich and poor, sickness and health, and the lighting of an eternal flame.

Any wonder I am now holding my breath for the closing ceremony. I have a premonition that it is going to be right up my street!

Monday, 23 July 2012


There are occasions when a topic on Twitter has a particular nexus with this blog. Last week I noticed that  “How to keep a relationship with me” was trending. Of course I had to have a peep and in so doing established a repetition of themes as well as some unique ideas. Accordingly and in reverse order, I share them with you:
1.     Be honest and never lie to me.
2.     Be faithful; don’t cheat on me.
3.     Respect and trust me.
4.     Accept me as I am and don’t nag.
5.     Communicate with me.
6.     Make an effort.
7.     Do the little things and show you care.
8.     Be reliable and trustworthy.
9.     Bring me Gummy Bears.
10.  Save me from spiders.

Friday, 13 July 2012


I confess to having neither knowledge of nor interest in pornography. Indeed I naively assumed that “Fifty Shades of Grey” with a sequel called “Fifty Shades Darker” was about the ageing process and hair dye. As a result of the recent hype, I now know that I was wrong.

Divorce lawyers, as you can imagine, are told all manner of things by their clients. It is therefore only by those confidences that I know anything about porn. Moreover, my own limited experience would suggest that accessing it can and does form the basis of unreasonable behaviour for the purposes of divorce. However, and although I have never actually undertaken a statistical survey, I’m fairly sure that I have only ever been involved in cases where the wife has made such allegations against the husband.

When I first started out in my career, I recall that behaviour of this kind took place on Saturday mornings by dirty men in macs huddled near a top shelf display in a newsagent’s. Subsequently there were repeated instances of “lads’ mags” and photographs stashed under a bed or in another discreet part of the family home. Then the internet boom arrived and the allegations related solely to what husband had been looking at on the family p.c.

Now my whole past experience is under challenge. The trilogy of books about Christian Grey and his sado-masochistic goings-on, is described as beyond erotica and into the realms of pornographic. Nevertheless the books are apparently being read almost exclusively by women; an awful lot of women if the sales figures are a reflection of the readership level.

So what do men think about this turn-round? Clearly there are many who do not approve. This week we have even learned about a man being convicted in court for common assault when he felt it wrong that his partner was one of those millions of readers. Mind his reaction was, shall we say, somewhat unusual in that he chose to spray her with brown sauce!

Personally, I am unlikely to find the time or inclination to read the books (and if I do, it will be purely in the pursuit of research). However, and in case Outdoor Man suddenly develops a sauce fetish of his own, I suppose I’d better look to emptying our pantry of all the usual condiments!

Wednesday, 11 July 2012


It is well established that separation and divorce are extremely stressful with some people taking years to recover. Stress itself leads to all kinds of physical symptoms and many bear their invisible scars stoically as life continues. There are, some marks however that cannot be hidden, and, for those who have succumbed to the tattooist’s art, declarations of deep and unending love cannot easily be removed when a relationship ends.

However it was reported today that one enterprising young man tackled his tattoo head on. He arranged to have a second; a line went through his ex-partner’s name inked into his back and underneath he had inscribed those immortal words: “Sh*t Happens”

Tuesday, 10 July 2012


I see Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have issued a joint press release confirming that they have reached an agreement to settle their divorce and are working together as parents to agree arrangements for their 6 year old daughter. Hopefully this signifies a civilised and dignified end to what has, of course, been a very high profile marriage. A marriage where the publicity surrounding it owed much to the films each party has been involved in, as reflected in the following potted history:

They began as “The Romantics,” vowed “Endless Love” and then Katie had a “First Daughter.”

Sadly, however, Tom’s third attempt at marriage proved to be “Mission Impossible,” when we’re told Katie came to view Tom’s commitment to scientology as “Disturbing Behaviour” and decided she had to “Abandon” their home in California and “Go” “Far and Away” to New York.

It seems Tom must have had his “Eyes Wide Shut” because he was apparently unaware that he was “Losin’ It” and that his relationship was like “Shattered Glass.” “Legend” has it that “Top Gun” became a “Rain Man” overnight and “Days of Thunder” “Hitting it Hard” followed.

Fortunately we have been spared “The Ice Storm” or a “War of the Worlds.” Agreement has been reached, potentially for "Mad Money." Hopefully Katie will now agree that Tom can see their daughter “Without Limits” and avoid the need for a “Minority Report” or indeed any other investigation into their suitability as parents. If so, Tom will at least be able to maintain a relationship with his daughter under a “Vanilla Sky” rather than seeing it fade into “Oblivion”

All of which only leaves one niggling issue: where did “Batman Begins” fit in?