Friday, 30 November 2007
Wednesday, 28 November 2007
Monday, 26 November 2007
Matrimonial cases can be the same. You can throw as much money as you want at trying to fight a hopeless cause but when your solicitor tells you that it’s time to settle you really have to listen. All solicitors have clients who tell them that they’d rather pay legal fees than their spouse, but the sad truth is they are going to end up paying both. It’s just like the lilo bed, you put air into it or throw money at the lawyers, but if you’re still going to sink at the end of the day, considering damage limitation first is usually a good idea.
Sunday, 25 November 2007
I guess there’s a moral there somewhere, like: leopards don’t change their spots, unless they’re female!
Friday, 23 November 2007
Christmas has come to our town centres and for some the joy of giving can mean unbearable pressure and debt. Take my friend Constance for instance (click here for the blog entry when I first introduced you to her):
It seems she started Christmas shopping for her children a month or so ago now and keeps adding to the sum owed on her credit card debt almost daily, as her resistance to the demands placed on her by the ex’s relationship with their children steadily diminishes. Last night she told me that she’s just ordered the latest games console for her youngest (despite the fact that the child already possesses 2 earlier versions) because she knows the said child has been manipulating the ex to buy her mobile phone cum MP3 player cum 5 mega pixel camera and she can’t risk being outdone. Sadly I had to admit that she made me feel somewhat limited in imagination and generosity when I confessed to an intention to give Little Girl and Apprentice Man a book apiece and a box of toffees between them.
Later, Little Girl divulged her view that if (heaven forbid) Outdoor Man and I were to separate, then she might fare much better with her Christmas stocking than is usually the case. Hmmm, not that I really enjoy being manipulated, but maybe I’d better make it a box of toffees each this year.
Thursday, 22 November 2007
Wednesday, 21 November 2007
Anecdotal evidence gleaned from clients would suggest that divorce parties seem to becoming more commonplace and whilst it’s not entirely de rigeur to invite one’s solicitor to such an event, I confess to receiving the occasional invitation. In case you are tempted to organise one, I thought it might be useful to highlight 10 absolute do-nots :
1.Don’t invite the ex; he/she will spoil your night.
2.Don’t invite the ex in-laws; they’ll spoil it too and worse still tell the ex all about it afterwards.
3.Don’t play soppy love songs, least of all from the era you met; nothing brings on the tears more than a little alcohol and nostalgia. Take a look at my song list included in my profile instead.
4.Don’t let off fireworks without checking the latest regulations as to hours of use etc..
5.Don’t try cutting the cake alone, backwards or whatever; just cut the cake out of the do altogether.
6.Don’t break off the dancing for everyone to gather around for a burial of the wedding ring in the garden; someone always sneaks back to dig it up later.
7.Don’t decide to hold your party in Dublin, Prague or any other top stag/hen night city in Europe; all those gangs of guys and girls in pre-marital celebratory mood will spoil your own attempts at excess;
8.Don’t allow any speeches; public pillorying is regarded as bad form.
9.Don’t expect presents; what can guests bring for a divorcee who already has half of everything?
10.Don’t cry. This will be your divorce night not your or your daughter’s wedding day.
Monday, 19 November 2007
Friday, 16 November 2007
Perhaps the Local Authority run sports centre wasn’t the best place to try out this initiative, for it was not to be. Never have I been surrounded by so many unattractively perspiring people. Yes there may have been muscles in abundance, but they weren’t being flexed, so far as I could see, at the opposite sex. You know what I reckon this gym thing is just a sham for some other point of rendezvous. Accordingly I did pick up a tip which I shall pass on here:
Thursday, 15 November 2007
Wednesday, 14 November 2007
Photo originally uploaded by kennethg
It was reported today that an Indian farmer married a dog on Sunday in a full Hindu wedding ceremony, witnessed by neighbours and village elders. Apparently the farmer has been suffering from 15 years’ bad luck after killing two dogs who were trying to mate in one of his rice fields. This bad luck extended to the farmer becoming unable to walk and suffering the loss of hearing as well as of an ability to talk properly. His physical condition has had doctors baffled but someone more knowledgeable put his condition down to a curse inflicted by the dead dogs’ spirits.
Donned in a wedding sari the bride dog went through the ceremony, but once it was over and the hold on her leash loosened, she absconded. It appears however that she has since been safely returned to her husband, who is purportedly planning to find a human bride once the curse is lifted. Won’t he need to get a divorce first and will he be blessed with a dowry to meet the ensuing financial settlement?
Monday, 12 November 2007
You will appreciate, therefore, that when I awoke this morning it was with a smile on my face as the prospect of a day in the office seemed to offer the opportunity for some light relief in comparison. Legal documents with which I’m familiar and for which I understand the point can sometimes be a delight and on other occasions an intellectual challenge. Also I’m assisted by technology (no unnecessary duplication of input) and clients who supply the information required (sometimes neatly bundled and recorded, sometimes on copious documents stuffed into a carrier bag).
Of course, I never consider how small minded and officious clients might think me when I hand them, for instance, the standard twenty-four page questionnaire known as Form E which forms the backbone for resolving financial disputes. Instead I appreciate the relevance of the information requested and anticipate that the client will do likewise. I wonder if that’s how the clerks at the Embassy and Local Education Authority feel when they devise and distribute their forms. Surely not; if I had to ask clients to insert their names and addresses three to four times on every form I use at work, I’d have lost all my clients and been obliged to find myself another career by now.
Thursday, 8 November 2007
Lately we are being entertained in the new pedestrian heart of Darlington by a variety of musicians. Among the most tuneful of these is a band of men of American Indian origin, dressed in authentic costume including head-dress & buffalo skins. Their act is dominated by musical pipes that replicate the sound of the wind and occasionally they can be seen sitting cross-legged smoking a peace-pipe.
I wonder if the peace-pipe still plays any part in the modern law of Indiana. It could surely be put to good use in the resolution of acrimonious divorce cases, or does Indiana, like the UK, ban smoking in public buildings? I know not, but maybe Sam will tell us in one of his blog entries.
Monday, 5 November 2007
Nonetheless, I did note with interest that Lord Haw Haw (already a divorcee when they married in 1937) and Margaret divorced each other after four and a half years, only to remarry some six months later. It is not of course unheard of for divorcees to re-unite, but it is more common to rue one’s mistake at the altar than subsequently for seeking a Decree Absolute.
Who knows if Mr and Mrs Joyce’s second marriage would have survived the cessation of hostilities, had they not been captured and a trial for treason intervened. Certainly their arguments, drinking sessions and extra marital relationships continued. I have been practising long enough to have divorced a number of clients twice, and whilst rarely has this been from the same spouse, it does happen and usually for the same reasons as the first time around.
Sunday, 4 November 2007
Saturday, 3 November 2007
I think that it is now time to update you about the relationship with Dom (and no I have decided against the tattoo after all). Although still very much enamoured by him, the honeymoon period is drawing to a close. The twitching blinds and net curtains from our neighbours when we pull onto the drive are very much something of the past; a kind of acceptance that he’s here to stay.
Unfortunately we have had our first spat. I really didn’t think he was going the extra mile or three that I got out of the ex, and that regular weekly stop at the supermarket to fill up has been getting very expensive. Dom, however, seems to think he’s some kind of thoroughbred that requires careful handling. So, although I like to think that I’ve been in the driver’s seat the whole time, it has been a new learning experience. We now sprint, at his insistence, rather than jog, most days and gradually I’m teasing a little extra mpg from him. With petrol prices hitting £1 a litre, I have to.
Click here for last instalment